Tuesday, 28 December 2010

I'm not missing you !
and you know what .. I'm honestly OVER YOU !!
in your face !!!

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Sunday, 12 December 2010

WINTER!!

Holy God , winter has come ..
My season , I feel alive , cold but ALIVE ..
it's about time you show up , I missed the rain , the hoodies , the rainbows and the cuddling in bed with some very warm socks :D
I fell it's gonna be a good season , I hope so :)

Saturday, 11 December 2010

I don't care !

No , No , I shall not think of you .. I don't care what you do , or how you're living .
I have the best friend in the world , I have the greatest sisters , and the most caring parents , and the most adorable brothers , I have my paintbrush , my camera and my books!!
why the hell should you cross my mind ,, I don't need no thought of you ..
that's it ,, you're gonna be blocked from my head from now on , I will not let myself surrender to any thought about you ..
decision made !

Friday, 10 December 2010

.
It's funny how on rainy days , it's so much easier to smile :)
.

Monday, 6 December 2010

it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.

the photo speaks , I am unable to compose a description!

okay now I want to write a description.
thank God it's over , RIP everyone ..
the funny thing is , after a few hour from the end of this crisis , it started raining , heavily !!
honestly , couldn't that just start one day before !

nevertheless , I was thrilled to see rain , I love rain , it's peace and prosperity !
when I took this photo , I was sad and praying for everything to end , now I see it differently , it's a thank you for the good that's happened yesterday .

Friday, 3 December 2010

blody smoke !!

RIP everyone , we'll pray for you !

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

a hell of a week !

Monday, 22 November 2010

No more ,,

I'm not gonna even keep trying , enough ..
just like what izzie said , the best day of your life starts simple and boring and unexpectedly , it becomes the best you've ever had .
so I'm gonna let the wind flow , and take me where it wants to go .
it's the only thing now that I do trust and believe in !

You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

the moon is full tonight
when it's full I remember you , when it's not full I remember you too .
but it hurts more when it's full ! it brings back unfulfilled dreams , broken promises and fragile wishes.

I don't want to remember you anymore , I want you to stay away from my moon!

Friday, 12 November 2010

I blew a candle for you today ,
I did not wish you happiness , I did not wish you peace nor did I wish you well ,
I did not know what to wish you , so I just simply blew that candle , and let the flames fade with the remains of an empty dead wish !


I still can't believe you are able to forget me !
.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

I can't forgive you , I can't .. I'm sorry!

Saturday, 6 November 2010

the world is a very friendly place :)

they all made me so happy , :))
I love them so much , and it means the world to me for someone to like me for who I am :)


thank you , the world has some very nice people :)) and I got to know a lot of them ^^!!

.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

I've never had the chance to tell her goodbye !
I came back home running , but I never made it , she was already gone. and I know I will never see her again.
I wish you well , take good care of yourself , I'll never forget that you once gave me hope , I'll never forget you.

03.11.2010                   Wednesday                      15:16


End Of Chapter 4 !! 

.

Monday, 1 November 2010

for the love of God !

I've been feeling good lately because you are soo out of my mind , I've been perfectly FINE!
why do you keep suddenly appearing in my dreams ! why does everything now reminds me of you , after I worked so hard to change everything that used to bring back your memory !
please , just leave me alone , you and whatever ghost you are sending to stalk me .
I've had enough with you , I don't wanna even have memories about you , I want to forget that you ever existed!!
I stopped loving you a long time ago , I stopped trusting you , I stopped believing in you , why do you keep haunting my thoughts !! I know very deeply that I AM over you , not just over you I truly hate you.
I hate every time I think of you intentionally and unintentionally , I hate you that I want to break something whenever you cross my mind !
I wish I could talk to you , No I don't miss you at all , I just don't wanna be the only one who knows I hate you , I want you to know that , I want you to know that I will never forgive you , nor will I forget what you did and how you destroyed the person who gave everything to you .
I want you to really know that I do NOT wish you well with your life , and it's not because I'm a bad person !
I'm a very good person , but because you don't deserve well.
I can't believe you are able to sleep at night , while you know that you broke someone to pieces , how do you sleep with the thoughts of me , if of course you ever think of me , which I really doubt.
I wish I could tell you that in your face , that I no longer respect you and I will never regain my respect for you , I will for all of time hate you and hate what you made me be !
I DO NOT WISH YOU WELL AND DO NOT WISH YOU HAPPINESS !!

Monday, 25 October 2010

you made me question my love for the sea , I hate you for that!!
I need to move on with my life , I need you to stay out of my head , mind , thoughts and dreams.
you can't keep haunting me, I need to live, I hate hating you , and I hate even more how you make me feel after hating you , but it's a fact I can't change right now , I won't stop hating you. so I just need to stop seeing you in my dreams , I hate that the one mistake of my life is haunting me even when I'm asleep , I sleep to run away from everything, and I find you!
I regret ever knowing you, you made me hate someone! I never thought I could hate anyone..
and I will never , NEVER forgive you !

Friday, 22 October 2010

Thank you!


                            Mai
1. For being there for me.
2. For helping me through rough times.
3. For bearing with my insanity.
4. For sharing the best times with me.
5. And.. for believing in me, when I stopped believing in myself!

I owe you my life!
please do not use my photos without my permission !!

Saturday, 16 October 2010

This time, don't need another perfect line 
Don't care if critics never jump in line 
I'm gonna give all my secrets away 

My God, amazing how we got this far 
It's like we're chasing all those stars 
Who's driving shiny big black cars 
And everyday I see the news 
All the problems that we could solve 

And when a situation rises 
Just write it into an album 
Singing straight, too cold 
I don't really like my flow, no

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Bleh

I wanna write something , there's an urge for writing now , I don't know what to write though!
I will abstain from writing anything tomorrow or even using my laptop.
not because I'm busy or anything , I'm not, I have like 24 hours a day without any specific activity so I can do whatever I want.
but tomorrow is a very sad day for me, it's been a year since last year's October 15th and I already know that I won't be feeling well tomorrow , so I will do anything that will distract me!
I don't want to be sad , I have a lot of occasions that can make me sad , but I want to try real hard to keep myself from drowning into self petty!
I'm perfectly Fine! and I will still be fine till whenever , but I promise myself (and my promises are sacred and not meant to be broken) that I will not give him a though as I long as shall live.
wait ..
I started with having nothing to say and now I'm talking about all sort of different stuff that aren't even related one to another!
oh I'm losing it!!
No I'm not it's just that I'm a bit confused about everything in my life right now and I'm figuring out what to do at the moment , and it's going pretty well with so far.

whoever read the whole thing is so insanely crazy !!!

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

ya rb

I hope it's a beginning of something new , more fruitful!
I pray for God to help me through this and guide me so I won't make sins during this year !!

moving out and very nervous

I'm packing I'm moving out goint back to the campus..

*SIGH*

wooah this is really stressing !! , now it's almost 00:10 and I'll be leaving in a few hours so wish me luck and I'll see if I can show you my new dorms as soon as possible .

P.S : tonight I looked at the sky and it was so full of stars , I've never seen it this sparkling the whole summer , I hope that's a good sign :/

fingers crossed for this year !!

Sunday, 10 October 2010

well..

I hate you more than I hate everything else in the whole wide world ..
and I hate myself for being able to hate someone !!

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

it wasn't horrific :)

well , it wasn't much of a disaster today.
only 2 remembered , one of whom I was extremely surprised and happy , he made my day really :))
it passed eventually, I'm older than I was yesterday. waaw it does feel different to have a permanent 2 in my age. Urrggg , but it's okay , I'll survive, I'm growing older and prettier and wiser. at least I hope so :)
It wasn't as horrible as I though it would be , thank God.
and thank you for of those of you who forgot, for the little things show how much people care about each others.

Monday, 4 October 2010

...


though I'm breaking , shaking , shattering , have nothing to hold on to , and no one is holding on to me.
though I'm trying so hard but not succeeding.

though I feel like drowning , and the straws I used to click to them are now swimming away from me, swam away from me a long time a go actually.

though everything is going the wrong direction, I still sit in my bed late at night or in early mornings (it depends) to just wonder when it will be okay, Yes I am sure I'll be okay , I'm just not tired to ask myself when it's going to happen, I do miss the old times of me , I deserve better, I've never deserved to be left alone.

but now that I am alone , there's nothing I can do about it except be strong and hanging on.

though I'm breaking into million pieces and my stormy life is blowing my pieces far away each day, 
yes I do , I still do Have Faith. 
it's the one thing I can hold on to tight right now.

please do not use my photos without my permission !!
.

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

let it pour !!

I'm gonna make it through this , even if it kills me !!!




do not use my photos without my permission, plz!!


.

Friday, 24 September 2010

broken wings.


.. so don't worry about people from your past , there's a reason they didn't make it to your fututre !! “

I thought this quote fits with the photo somehow , life is like a faris wheel.
one day you’re at the highest point and you can see the whole world and feel like you can accomplish anything , and another you reach the bottom and experience the terrible feeling of having broken wings.
Life is full of ups and downs, and during life we need to decide who stays and who leaves. Deleting people is crucial to get you to move on and get over whatever happens.

Do not use my photos without my permission , plz :)

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Lonely, But not Alone



Okay , I usually don't lie, I hate liars.
But up there in the sky, that's a lie written!

do not use my photos without my permission!!

Monday, 6 September 2010

join the living

lately I've been experiencing feelings I've lost the sense of  a long time ago.
I just felt how much I've missed them , and how relieved they make me feel to have feeling in the first place!
is this the beginning of something new, or something old, like having the old young alive me back ?
or maybe this is merely a foundation of a new me , but if so! would that new me be better or worse!!
my greatest fear!!

I'm absolutely not ready for a new worse me! I have already been dealing with myself currently and trying to fix the unbearable damage. let alone dealing with worse!

Hope keeps us alive , and this may be the only feeling that I haven't lost sense of .
so maybe if not today, maybe tomorrow or after tomorrow , or maybe next week or next month.

not sure when and where and how !! 
but I will survive to the day of my rebirth.
I will rise from my ashes. I gave myself a promise, and I will never break a promise Ever .

I was born a phoenix , and I will Live and Die and Rise as one!!

.

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

take my up there, don't wanna stay here anymore!!



Take me away, somewhere I can be alone
Away from people, from sorrow, from life 
Let me soar with you up there, where no day will be empty.
Take my soul away and bring it back more alive.
Let me fly again, let my overwhelmed soul experience joy .. again.
In a world far away from my dead world.


Taken on Tuesday 31.08.2010 


Edit : Flickr Explored !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it made my day 
.

Saturday, 28 August 2010

breath taking sunset

the best view I've ever seen in years!
that day was magnificently special!!



taken on 26.08.2010

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

enough for me :)

they all were laughing , even her she was very happy ..
I could not ask for more , more than enough for me to see them smiling and sincerely happy :)

.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Down ,
waaaay down

Saturday, 21 August 2010

Pain Is Inevitable , Suffering Is Optional !!



this one took quite a time to take it , edit it , and upload it .. 
and I had to spend extra time washing the paint off my hand : /
this is the final outcome :) .. I find it worth the effort :) 

.

Friday, 20 August 2010

it's a heartache , nothing but a heartache !!

Does he sit by the sea and listens to the sound of the waves and remembers me ?!
Is he as miserable as I am , or was I just a memory that he got rid of !!
does he think about me at all !! 
I wish I could ask , I wish I could wonder loudly .. 
I wish I could scream for the reason he left .
I bet I don't even cross his mind anymore . 





surprisingly and fortunately , today he's leaving my mind too ..
No , I won't let you be the end of me !I'm bringing back my soul , my heart and my breath , they no longer belong to you !!



P.S : my photography and editing


.

Monday, 16 August 2010

:)

Thank you ,
You just made my Day :))

.

Sunday, 15 August 2010

look for the girl with the broken smile ..

Friday, 13 August 2010

I'll never lose hope , It's all I got right now I'll hold on tight .
: ' D

.

Monday, 9 August 2010

A Day At The Sea .. !!

if only I could take back the words , the actions , the discomfort .. but I can't .
maybe the only answer is just to walk away and begin fresh , forget about whatever . 
yesterday , when I saw it throw my car window , I felt like breaking into a thousand pieces . like drowning in the sadness of the whole world , like my heart is shattering so hard but so slow that it makes me feel every tiny sting of pain . 


I had to hide if from everyone , so I just kept looking , thinking ..
the waves , the blueness , the smell of the salty water overwhelmed me , I loved it so mush that it hurts even more to feel pain around it .. 
Me !! just Wow ..
I hated myself for hating it , though I didn't hate it , I just couldn't be myself anymore around it .. it reminded me of so much pain , of so mush betrayal .. 
but NO .. 
the sound of the waves took over my heart , once I stepped in the sand felt the grains of sand moving through my toes , the smell lifted me up .. for a fraction of second I forgot all that hurts , all the pain all of a sudden faded away , evaporated in the bright blue sky , and right then I realized I had big smile on my face .
maybe not a very happy one , but it was a sincere one , not sad , not depressed , just comfortable to finally be around something I really loved once in my life .. 


to hell with memories , I wanna feel the breeze , I wanna feel the hot sun burning my wet skin , I wanna touch the sea , smell it .. drown in it .. die in the warm water and forget the world , forget everything .




.

Friday, 6 August 2010

I hate myself ,
I miss myself ..
I don't know myself anymore ..

I wish I could feel me again ..

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Moved on ..


the day I thought I'd never get through .. 
I got OVER YOU .. !!

.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

it didn't go the way I expected last night ..
but , whatever , it's better than nothing .. at least now I'm not lying to anyone !

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

25.07.2010           Sunday          16:54


End Of Chapter 3 


.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

I don't  wanna do this anymore ..
I'm tired ..

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

End Of Chapter 2 !!

21.07.2010     Wednesday     18:53

End Of Chapter 2 :')



.

Tuesday, 20 July 2010


Sometimes Life just seems like Chapters of Goodbyes ... !!!

!! .. :'/ .. !!

Friday, 16 July 2010

I could really use a wish right now .. !!

Can we pretend that airplanes
                 in the night sky are like
                                     shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now ..
                                     wish right now ..
                                           wish right now .. 


.
disclaimer : I do NOT own the picture 

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

count to ten with my eyes closed ..




Breath slow ..
'coz ladies never lose composure ..

.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

use them .. !!

You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.
Rumi 


I do not own the photo !!

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Disappointed ..
but still .. not defeated !!

Friday, 9 July 2010

yup I'm sure ..



Absolutely :) !!


.



Man , you can't keep stirring me wrong ..
you're pulling me back ..
pulling me in ..

just like gravity !!

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Saturday, 3 July 2010

Live Hard , or Die Trying ..!!


I went driving today ,, long time I haven't done that ..
all the things I used to love doing , now I find to difficult to do
they bring back some good memories .. I don't enjoy anything the way I used to
colors have faded away from everything , nothing seems as fun as before , as nice as before
as honest as before ,, everything seems like a lie now , a lie that I can't fall for .
at least not today .. I'm not falling for any further lies , one big lie is more than enough to teach
me about humans .
now let me just put my self back together and start all over again doing the things I loved to do
back then , though they don't taste the same , and some are very extremely hard for me to do .
I'll try though , what is life if not one big risk .. I'm totally in !!

I do not own the picture, it belongs to caitie ann

Friday, 25 June 2010

OH MY GOD !!!

Saturday, 19 June 2010

GOD !

TIRED OF THE DAMN DRAMA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 12 June 2010

Waaw .. !!

I've just received the cutest sms in my whole life , from the most unexpected person !!!!

I honestly smiled :) .. ( don't tell anybody :$ )

Saturday, 8 May 2010

le dejó una cicatriz en mi corazón


Yo echo de menos cuando pasa algo realmente bueno, porque eres la que quiero compartir. Te echo de menos cuando algo me preocupa, porque usted es el que me entiende tan bien. Te echo de menos cuando me río y lloro porque sé que usted es el que hace que mi risa crecer y desaparecer mis lágrimas. Te echo de menos todo el tiempo, pero echo de menos más que cuando me despierto por la noche y pensar en todos los maravillosos momentos que pasamos con ellos, porque esos fueron algunos de los mejores momentos de mi vida.

"


Yo no escribo para decirte que Te quiero, ni para pedirle explicaciones que ahora no están en el tiempo. Acabo de escribirle para expresar mis sentimientos en este breve párrafo. Quiero decirte que realmente te amé como te demostró. No sé lo que pasó. Pero es demasiado tarde. Espero que puedas encontrar tu amor. Adiós mi querido amor .

"

Todos los días pienso en ti.

Todos los días se cruza mi mente.
Todos los días veo algo que me recuerda a ti.
Todos los días im extrañarte.
Todos los días me gustaría que fuera mío.
Todos los días me pregunto lo que podría haber sido.
Todos los días pienso en por qué hizo esto.
Y soy todos los días cada vez más fuerte.
Todos los días soy de seguir adelante.
Pero todos los días malos siempre te echo de menos.



Monday, 3 May 2010

I WAS PLAYING IN THE BEGINNING
THE MOOD ALL CHANGED
I'VE BEEN CHEWED UP AND SPIT OUT AND BOOED OFF STAGE !!!

MAMA LOVE YOU BUT THIS TRAILER'S GOT TO GO ,
I CANNOT GROW OLD IN SALEM'S LOT
SO HERE I GO IS MY SHOT ,
FEET FAIL ME NOT ,

THIS MAY BE THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY THAT I GOT !!

Saturday, 24 April 2010

gonna be alright ..



And this girl has seen alot of pain ,
but this girl's gonna smile again ..
she knows that a flower grows every time it rains ,
And this girl's got alot of dreams ,
she know that tomorrow ain't what it seems ,
she might not solve a mystery tonight ..

But this girl's .. gonna be alright !!

Monday, 22 February 2010

I hope to see u somewhere down the road again :) ..
take good care :' ) ..

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Saturday, 30 January 2010

The power of imagination makes us infinite !


Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the MOON..!!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

what has changed ?

it's been so complicated lately , happy times are no longer happy ! .. desperation has filled the surroundings .. something has changed .. it's not the same smile , the same laugh the same " how are you " call , not any more ..
I know that people change , I have changed in a previous period of my life , but it was temporary .. I was trying each day and each moment to bring myself back to the old me , because nobody likes changes , I don't like the new me , and people around me won't like the new me ! .. I knew that I needed to go back to being ME .. the old me .. the happy pleasant , fun to be around - me .

disregarding the length of this period , it has ended eventually , I've stopped being someone else .. now I know how much it's nice to be me again .. I love me and not whoever invaded my spirit !

but what if not everybody is like my situation , people do change .. but do they feel the need to go back to their old selves .. don't they just resent this change ! don't they see that people around them don't like this new them ! ..
what if they don't ..
what to do in this case .. do you accept the person the way he is ,, or should I say the way he became ! .. or should you stay away from him , because he is no longer the same person ..
it is a kind of betrayal , people changing , they betray the confidence of their loved ones ..

nobody imagines that a person so close to him would become a person too far from him in the same body ,, that is very selfesh and self-centered .

do I deserve to lose someone so close to me just because he decided to change ! .. why can't he simply strive to change back to the person I admire .. !

it hurts , this thing really hurts .. it's not like life or fate has chosen this thing for us beyond our will .. what hurts is that this happened because someone you love chose this for himself ,, not considering your feelings ! ..

but no matter what they do , how much they change , you will not stop loving them , adoring them , at least the memory of the old them .. because you are still you .. and you can't hold a grudge for them ,, they will remain a peice of you no matter what ..

and you will secretly miss them .. not telling them that .. because it might hurt them that you don't like the new them ! you will be hurting to see them , the picture of them , with a new them .. but still love them and not afford to be mad at them for what they've done .. for not seeing or considering your feelings !
I will miss you , and hope that someday you'll be back .. I'll wait , it's not fair to leave you ..
come back please !
" Thing do not change , people change , whether we like it or not .. just please don't make this so hard for me "
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Saturday, 2 January 2010