Monday, 29 August 2011

it's the second Eid, it doesn't feel the same, something is missing, and I'm missing that something.
but I don't want it back, for better things aer waiting for me!

Friday, 26 August 2011

They do not know anything, they do not understand..
right now, right here in this place full of people, I stand alone.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

That is not difficult... it's unbearable. I do not wish him well.
I'm not in pain, I'm not sad, I'm not defeated..
I'm just really really angry and wanna cry, I really wanna break something, and I rather it be his neck that any of my mother#s precious dishes.
I thought I removed all the hate and became good again, in peace with myself and whatever faith has brought to me, I was wrong.. I hate my misjudging at all things around me.
sitting here very "composed", crying quietly is the best answer right now, for I do not want to lose it after all this time.
fear is haunting me again, and it's bringing along all the horrible memories of the dark days, the days of the other me that wasn't alive, every corner in my life, every person I know, every place I visit , now they all suddenly remind me of the beast. even my dear mirror, that says to me every time I look at is "you're not fully dressed unless you wear a smile" now it's innocent from the crime of giving away smiles and traded its job for a dark one that makes me see the ghosts of the past in my own face......

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

"Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet"

Friday, 12 August 2011

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

"So I know that every experience is stretching me deep inside, I am growing. I am starting to let go of the pain that has held me back. I am starting to realise that I have control over the way I see things. I have control over the way I feel things.


I have control, not only control in these fragile hands but control with my soul, my life, my pain, and my joy. My heart is beating and it is keeping me accountable, reminding me that I am but flesh and bones but these bones are only the cage around my longing soul. "

By Janey Lu, for she can write her soul on paper and I cannnot!
Nostalgic at 00:31..

Friday, 5 August 2011

note to self: "everything is going to be fine, you are going to be fine. just don't give up on yourself, no matter what!"

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

did you ever have this one particular song when you hear you feel it tells exactly how you feel, it's like the words are inspired by your own soul, by your own frustration.
absorbing the words makes you believe that there is someone, or perhaps I mean something, out there that understands you, not that it can help you with anything, it just feels nice to hear someone else talking the words you fear to say, it's comforting to hear the pain that is inside you composed with beautiful words and heart wrenching melodies.
this particular song you want to play over and over again, hell make it even the soundtrack of your life, for you can't explain what you're feeling but this band is helping you get it all out, you wanna scream the lyrics so loud for the whole world to understand the things you cannot explain.
it might even be a very happy song but carries out all the pain from inside of you, haven't you ever cried so hard when listening to a very cheerful song?
I know I have!

cold and lost in desperation

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

a heart warming phone call :)